It seems that we are witnessing the birth of a new quasi scientific phenomenon, which in time may come to rival the famous Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Scotland has apparently become the new locus of uncertainty. The mere prospect of independence has unleashed a veritable tsunami of uncertainty, which if allowed to come to pass threatens to engulf us all in a downward spiral of destruction and despair. Though this new Scottish Uncertainty principle has yet to be tested in the real world, its advocates promote it with an almost religious fanaticism. We should in a way be proud that Scotland, apparently alone among the nations of the world, has created all this uncertainty. And it is not just us who will fall victim to this uncertainty. Why even the mighty BP, one of the world’s leading international oil and gas companies, is quivering with apprehension at the mere thought of Scottish independence. Though BP currently works in over 80 different countries, the prospect of having to deal with an independent Scotland has sent shockwaves through the company. Oh how powerful a country Scotland must be! Who else trembles before us in panic driven uncertainty?
I think we should in all honesty be told just what secret ingredient we Scots possess that impels such uncertainty throughout the world. I call upon the assorted Britnats, Unionists and Nosayers to explain to us all just what we in Scotland have that others do not. What magic potion lies beneath our land, or boils under our lochs or hovers in the air? What gives us, Scots, such almost magical powers that Norwegians, Slovakians, Czechs, Slovenians and sundry other nations lack? For it is a marvellous curiosity that the actual independence of eleven countries in Europe did not cause any of the dastardly consequences that it seems will come about as a result of Scottish independence. In fact in almost all cases the transition to independence seems to have passed off with remarkable ease.
Perhaps after all there is in reality no uncertainty about Scottish independence. But there does seem to be a great deal of Unionist Ignorance around, and there is little uncertainty about that.